Slowly but Surely

Personal LIfe:

Remember yesterday…not yesterday yesterday, I know you remember yesterday at least as well as I do, but I’m talkin’ about what I said on my blog. Well, the writing section of the blog is pretty much a repeat. I edited chapter 7 of Plague to get the creative juices flowing and then worked on two sections of PIG: The Haunted Brothel. So writing-wise things are moving along as expected.

Shaylee: Druid’s Staff
The second novella in the Shaylee series.

PIG: The Haunted Brothel (Working Title)
A Scooby Do style novella for adults.

Sword and sorcery fantasy novel. Completed but in final edits.

Remember yesterday, yeah, the same. I do plan to start a new book this evening, Monsters by Paul Melniczek. Now, I’ve got to tell you that when I’m in full writing mode my reading slows down a good bit. When I’m reading I have a tendency not to write so when I’ve got a lot to write I don’t read much.

Personal Life:
You know, I got so involved in talking about my evening at the infamous Okey Dokey’s and birthday stuff that I completely forgot to mention that I helped my wife paint the living room yesterday. She did most of the work, but I was the one on the rickety extension ladder painting the high spots. My logic is that if I fell and broke my leg I wouldn’t have to go into work Monday. Sad isn’t it.

Well, today the only thing in my personal life worth mentioning is putting Johnson’s Water seal on a wooden beer cooler that I bought for my wife for our anniversary that is coming up next week – yeah, the twin’s birthday happens on Thursday, my birthday is on Sunday and our twentieth anniversary is on the Wednesday after my birthday. The first part of September is a busy time in the Jordan home.

Now, you are probably saying, “Bret! Why in the heck would you get your wife a beer cooler for your anniversary?” Honestly, it’s not my fault.

I have bought her expensive rings, bracelets, necklaces and ear rings and she wears none of it. When I present these lovely items to her she holds them and smiles like one of the showgirls from The Price is Right™, but then she never wears it. It may be my own fault and I will freely admit that. I’m a guy after all, so maybe I don’t pick out the most appealing jewelry, but I do the best I can. She doesn’t wear that much jewelry anyway, so I’m figuring that just isn’t her thing.

This is where the beer cooler comes in. It’s nearly five feet long and stands on legs like a piece of furniture, decorated with Texas stars and such. Inside is two insulated chambers that will hold almost a hundred beers. This is perfect for my wife since she loves to have company over and entertain. Now they won’t have to bring their own coolers or go running in and out to get a beer – it will be right there with them outside. See, there is a method to my madness.

By the way, I also plan to take her out to the restaurant of her choice and if she wants to go somewhere else we can do that too. If she is really nice to me I might pick up a few thirty packs of beer and even fill the cooler up as a bonus. That’s just the kind of guy I am. 🙂

This morning I checked my email and had a message from a Facebook member, whom I won’t name…

By the way, if you are that guy you might want to stop reading here so you don’t get your feelings hurt…or you might go ahead and read to help you see how inappropriate your message was. It’s up to you.

…The message started something like “I saw that you read Dweller and if you liked that you should check out my book entitled ‘Whatthehellever’.”

I clicked on the picture of the guy and went to his Facebook page and you know what, he wasn’t even one of my friends, nor had he asked me for a friend request. What the hell? If you want to have any chance of me buying your goods then at least send me a friggin’ friend request. I would call this spam, but it was too personalized to be sent out to a large group of people. It smelled like spam though.

Anyway, here is how I think this message should have gone – after sending out a friend request and being accepted:

“Hello. I’m ‘name here‘ and a fellow author.

I hate to take any of your time up because I know the internet is already full of people trying to sell you stuff, but I saw that you read Dweller. Cool book, huh? Anyway, since you liked Dweller I thought I would send you a message and tell you a little about my book because it ‘A: has a similar story line‘, ‘B: is written in the same voice Mr. Strand uses‘ or ‘C: is a story that really pulls on the emotional heart strings‘. Thank you for accepting my friend request and for taking the time to read this message. I hope that you get a chance to check out my book.

Have a wonderful day!
Name here

After reading the mail he sent me I’m thinking, How friggin’ pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, I promote my stories too, but I ain’t so desperate as to cruise the internet looking for any excuse whatsoever to send folks personalized emails letting them know my stuff is out there. I get enough spam and sales sheets without having individuals actually sending me requests to check out their books. Hell, if you’re that desperate send me the book. If I like it I might even do a review. I’m kidding. Don’t send me books as my to be read pile is taller than I am.

Whewwwww. It felt good to get that off my shoulders. 🙂


~ by bretjordan on August 29, 2010.

2 Responses to “Slowly but Surely”

  1. I do believe that you have picked the perfect gift for her, Bret! You know that she will use it 🙂 What a thoughtful guy you are! Isn’t this your 20th anniversary? Michael and I have our anniversary on Sept 11. Can’t believe it’s been 10 years already!

    • Thanks, Brandi!

      I usually try and get her something unique that fits her and fancy jewelry isn’t really her thing.

      Yep, it’s been twenty years. I’m not sure if this is a landmark where I’m supposed to get her silver or gold or something like that, but I think she likes the cooler better – and she will certainly use it more.

      It doesn’t seem like 10 years since Mike joined the herd. Congratulations on the anniversary and I hope you and Mike have a wonderful time with however you choose to spend it.

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