Love Bugs & the Death Stars of the Highways…



Okay, before I begin I want to apologize to everyone who isn’t a Star Wars fan. To everyone who is a Star Wars fan…well, I apologize to you also. To all of you Star Trek fans…I owe you nothing. 🙂

It feels like fall has come to Southeast Texas. The wind blew, the temperature grew comfortable and the humidity stayed low enough so that I didn’t feel like I was drowning all day. Of the four seasons I love fall and spring, though in this part of the country those two seasons have a short life span. Fall means another brutal summer is coming to an end, along with hurricane season and hurricane season is definitely a season none of us Gulf Coast dwellers like.

Love Bugs

Another reason I’m glad summer is near an end, other than the heat and hurricanes, is those darned love bugs – and no, I’m not talking about the cute little Volkswagen. I’m talking about a black flying nuisance whose existence serves less purpose than our politicians – well almost. Before the vehicle was invented I’m sure nobody had a problem with the little bugs. Though they seem to have no reason to for being, they are harmless. I don’t even think there are a lot of animals out there that will eat a love bug.

Then came the car and the motorcycle. I’m assuming boats don’t have a problem with them, but I could be wrong. I imagine vehicles as the Death Stars of the highways, where love bugs think they are Tie Fighters ready to dock with the mother ship. I know, I’m revealing my geekiness here, but bear with me. The problem is that they don’t understand about matching speeds, catching up from behind until they can safely board. No, these small minded beings see our windshields as docking bay doors and sit in the middle of the road as though a tractor beam will gently pull them in. Imagine their surprise when they find that the docking bay doors are actually covered by invisible shields. I assume the surprise only lasts for a hundredth of a second before they see what’s on the other side of a galaxy far far away.

Now, the Death Star operator has a completely different perspective on the situation. His docking bay doors are being inundated with ruined Tie Fighters. It can get so bad that the operator can’t even see and must use automatic squeegees to remove the Tie Fighters from the invisible shield. He curses them as a mess is made. Tie Fighters parts are smeared across the shield, obstructing the view even more than before. It becomes worse and worse, until the Death Star must go into dry dock so the shield can be properly cleaned with soap and water. Unfortunately the nice glossy hull of the Death Star is coated in black paper mache, those unfortunate morons who completely missed the docking bay.

I won’t even try and describe the sensation when riding on a motorcycle, but I do have to say that they can cover a helmet to the point of blinding the driver in no time and they have a distinctive smell that I don’t much care for.


~ by bretjordan on September 28, 2010.

2 Responses to “Love Bugs & the Death Stars of the Highways…”

  1. Mr. Bret,

    When it comes to those little love bugs, you have the analogy dead on. Yet I prefer to think of them as the X-Wing Fighters which the rebels fly, and not the TIE fighters which our glorious defenders of freedom fly. All those traitorous members of the so called rebel alliance, well they deserve to be splattered like bugs. Ungrateful life forms don’t realize what being part of the Empire truly means, safety and security, right there at the top of the list is what. Yet all they can do is whine and complain. And I’m not one who can know the mind of our Emperor. I know in my heart the Emperor knows what is best for his subjects, and I know he has only has our best interest in mind when he does certain things. He just sees the bigger grander picture of the way the universe should be. The problem I see is all these little petty people are jealous and envious of what the Empire has and what it stands for, and they want to change and pervert it to their own twisted will. Or were you really wanting to talk about Love Bugs? Yeah, Love Bugs BAD.

    Have a great week.

    • Well, I was just looking at them as love bugs, but you bring up a valid point. I can now see them as X-Wing pilots, defying the empire and ignorantly fighting for their freedom against overwhelming odds. It’s a freedom I doubt their little minds will ever see as the emperor does know what is best for the masses. I’m afraid their happy Rebel dreams will never come about. The empire is just looking out for them, doing the thinking for them that they can’t do on their own. Long live the empire.

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