Love & Star Wars…

Rant:




Rant:




Since this is pretty much ‘geek week’ for me I figured I would throw in a final one for Friday. Never fear, I’m sure I will proudly display my nerdiness at a later date, but I figured I would end the week with this movie critique.


Actually, I’m not going to critique the whole six Star Wars movies. I’m not going to say how I loved the original three, which was the last three movies according to the time line, and that I was indifferent to the other three for the most part. I’m not going to compare Jar Jar Binks with Jerry Lewis and his slap stick humor. I’m not going to say how disturbing it was to see Yoda hop around like a frog on speed – which was kind of cool and kind of silly all at the same time so it was basically just odd. No, what I am going to talk about is the sappy love story between Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala…


Episode One. Okay, the young Anakin’s infatuation with Padmé was cute. It worked for me. I mean, at this point in the story the viewer basically knows this kid is going to have a relationship with her in the future. Heck, they will even have kids. So his love of her at such a young age is sort of sweet.


Jump to movie number two…


Anakin is a whiny teenager…friggin’ Darth Vader a whiny teenager. I would have never figured it. Not only is he whiny he is also pushy when it comes to romance, whiny and pushy. He pouts, sulks and throws little tantrums. I was a teenager once, believe it or not, and I don’t remember being half the cry baby Anakin was. Anyway, let me move on past Anakin’s crying. Okay, he is guarding Padmé, which leads to another odd thing…why didn’t Yoda, who is like The Force incarnate, sense his love for Padmé? I kept waiting for Yoda to scrunch up his face and say something like “Strong in you the lust is.” No such luck. Nope, instead of slapping his hand with a ruler and sending him to his room without any supper the all knowing Jedi say, “Wow, you know what would be a good idea? Let’s send that whining hormonal teenager to guard that hot senator. I’m sure nothing will happen.”


Yeah. I don’t have a shred of The Force, but I could see that coming. What I couldn’t see coming is how sappy and disgusting the romance would be.


In case you didn’t notice the romance segments of the last three Star Wars looked like it was written by a high school boy who’s closest relationship with a girl is Playboy. It was icky. Icky, icky, icky.


Now, at this point you are probably saying to yourself, This guy just hates romance in science fiction.


Not true.




The romance that budded between Han Solo and Princess Leia was good clean fun without the need for Dramamine. There was just enough tension to make it believable, and Han Solo was great. That line at the Carbon Freeze chamber when she said that she loved him and his reply was “I know.” That was great romance writing because you knew he loved her too, but he just couldn’t bring himself to admit it. I believed it and neither Leia nor Han was all mushy about it. It was obvious without being obvious.


Star Wars Episode two was waaaaay too obvious. I mean, seriously, did Lucas go to some Star Wars convention and ask some of those kids for suggestions? Maybe he needs to get out of the ranch more, see the world, find a friggin girlfriend. Yeah, a girlfriend would have straightened him out.


Last, but not least, is Episode three. That one was going fairly well. Still mushy, but tolerable. Anakin/Vader then gets crazy irate and chokes her with The Force. Heck, he didn’t even choke her as much as he choked that Imperial Commander in Episode four when he found his lack of faith disturbing. Okay, she passes out. That is believable. She is pregnant after all. When it’s all said and done Obi Wan gets her to a hospital where she delivers the babies then dies. I didn’t even know she was sick. Then, THEN a robot claims the cause of death as a broken heart. I felt a little vomit in the back of my throat at that moment, just a little. Okay, first off how in the hell does a robot know about a broken heart? Has it ever fallen in love, maybe had a little fling with a toaster or something? COME ON! Then, the broken heart thing. Who ever died of a broken heart without a little drawn out moping and such? I don’t doubt that it has happened, but five seconds after delivering a baby!


Now, this isn’t to say there weren’t parts of the movie I really liked. Jango Fett vs Obi Wan on that floating platform was cool. Anakin’s rage at the end of the final movie was cool. General Grievous was cool. The lizard thing was cool. There was a lot of cool and it was carefully balance by a lot of not cool.


Anyway, that’s my thoughts on that aspect of the movies and I’m glad I got it off my chest. I think next time my wife says, “I love you.” I’m gonna look her square in the eyes and say, “I know.” just to be cool. I think that will have more meaning than getting teary-eyed and whining. 🙂

Plague, now available at Amazon

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~ by bretjordan on October 1, 2010.

3 Responses to “Love & Star Wars…”

  1. yeah…. like you was every teenager combined in your teen years… cuz you wasn’t like that doesn’t mean any other guy can be like anakin… I think their romance was beautifull, his love and obsession with padme was clear, and not overdone.
    Annakin did however grew to be very arrogant in ep. 2, so don’t confuse his arrogance with his romance and whining towards padme, he is frustrated, and just like you he needed to get it off his chest. only he didn’t do it online, he did it in his privacy with padme. who is btw a f*king hot babe!
    lol
    o well, i probably can’t change your mind anyway, just wanted to whatever…
    throlling or something.
    o, and I thing the new 3 movie’s are way better then the old 3.
    okay, the old 3 are classics, but the hero, luke skywalker, is a fuckin loser, obi wan kenobi is a good-for-the-grave grandpa who dies way too early during a way too short light saber battle, and the storm troopers werent even ment to be clones in those 3 movie’s, just soldiers like any other army.

    peace

    • Thanks for reading, Leon.

      My opinion is unchanged, but I appreciate you commenting and I think it’s great that you have a different perspective on the movies. Everything would be awfully dull if we all shared the same viewpoint.

      Thanks again!

  2. It really did seem like the result of a fanfiction making it to the silver screen.

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