Aren’t squirrels the cutest darned things?




Aren’t squirrels the cutest darned things? There’s an innocence about them that brings a warm smile to a person. They’re like furry hyperactive children with claws and buck teeth. They are playful, scampering after one another around the base of a tree and hopping from limb to limb with their tails twitching behind them.

There’s also a mischievous side to them. I’ve seen them sneak from the limbs of a tree and crawl through the grass like a marine. They carefully monitor the distance between their objective and the tree. When they are in that sweet spot, halfway between the dog and the tree, they pop their head up, twitch their tails and begin to yap. The dog turns with a what in the hell? look. He barks and gives chase as they scamper back up the tree. Then they sit in the lower limbs and laugh as the dog barks and hops in a futile attempt to catch them. Unfortunately, our cat is a little faster and can climb a little better – at least one squirrel found this out the hard way.

Ooops, went to a dark place at the end of that paragraph, didn’t I. I will try and behave myself.

As I was saying, squirrels are wonderful and I dearly enjoy watching them.

Last summer my wife got a cheap bird feeder, a clear plastic cylinder capped at top and bottom. Little perches poked from the sides under holes the size of a quarter. She filled it with seeds and hung it from a tree in the back yard. I think the birds got half a day’s use out of it before the squirrels claimed it as there own. One would crouch down by the little food ports and hang on with one hand while slinging seeds out with the other. It looked like the little fellow had the ride of his life as the feeder would twist in circles slinging seeds out in a tornado fashion. What amazed me was that the little hairball did it for his friend at the base of the tree. The little monkeys actually used teamwork! The friend at the bottom looked like a farmer, gathering in their hard earned crop.

It made my wife mad. She is good hearted, but those guys could go through a bag of seeds in a day. Greedy little buggers they are. She really grew infuriated when the feeder became almost empty. A few seeds still remained in the bottom of the feeder, just out of reach of the seed slinging squirrel. Did this discourage him? Heck no. He just chewed a bigger hole in the feeder so that he could crawl all the way into it if need be.

This year she got a metal one with a wire protector over the outside. Birds can get to it, but it gives squirrels a hard time. They are smart though and I figure that if they sit and think on it a while they will come up with something.

My beef with them is that there is a family living in my attic. I wouldn’t even mind that except I can hear them chewing on the rafters every now and again. Normally I would get up in the attic and shew them out, but they built their home in the one place in my attic that I can’t get to. It’s only thick enough for the rafters. Why don’t you plug up the hole where they are getting in at? you might ask. Good question. The reason I don’t plug the hole up is because I don’t want to trap them in there, especially if they have young ‘uns up there.

Randy Quaid

It’s times like this when I need the Christmas Vacation version of Randy Quaid. Well, now that I think about it maybe I don’t. This is Texas after all. I’m sure I can find a squirrel eating rascal around here somewhere.

Ooops got dark there again, didn’t I?


The final edits of The Haunted Brothel have been completed and sent in to Purple Sword Publishing. Now I just have to sit back and wait for October 13th, when the story hits the digital bookshelves.

This weekend will be spend on the final edits of A Pirate’s Tale and I have a little art project to do for my sister-in-law.


I’m still reading Four and Twenty Blackbirds by Cherie Priest. Four and Twenty Blackbirds is definitely one of those stories I will want to read again and again. Mrs. Priest has painted a story with characters that literally come to life on the page.


~ by bretjordan on October 2, 2010.

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