It’s That Magic Time of Year…

Yes, it’s that magical time of the year once again. That special Saturday night when you lay down at 10 PM, get up at 7 AM and still feel groggy. You yawn, stretch, rub your eyes and wonder why you still feel so tired. Then it suddenly hits you…

The time shifted while you were sleeping and you lost an hour!

Yep, it’s time to spring forward and loose an hour of sleep that you desperately need. It’s the magical weekend that only lasts 47 hours!

Why do kids get cool people who visit them on annual events? Santa Clause leaves them presents and the Tooth Fairy exchanges unwanted teeth for money, but we adults get some sorry bastard who steals an hour of sleep from us. It doesn’t seem right.

Seriously, there isn’t a character dedicated to this event, but there damned sure should be. He would look something like the old Hamburgler from McDonalds with big beady eyes because after stealing all that sleep he’s got to be wired up. He’d carry an extra grande sized cup of Starbuck’s coffee and stick all those hours of sleep in a huge pillow case with skulls stitched onto the front. Yeah, I already seriously hate that guy and he doesn’t even exist.

Six months later I would get a visit from the long weekend fairy. She would be super good lookin’ and wear a skimpy fairy outfit. In the middle of the night she would kindly deliver my hours of lost sleep back to me. The legend behind her visit is that she’s a gorgeous bounty hunter who finally tracked that sleep stealing Hamburgler down so that she could return our hours sleep back to us. She also beat his butt severely, putting him in the hospital  for six months until he can regain the strength to steal our sleep again.

If you are a lady please substitute the good looking girl fairy for the hunk of your choice.

Okay, I got off on a silly tangent there for a minute, but I’m back…

Now, I complain about this event at least once a year so if you’re my wife you can stop reading now for you have heard it all before. If you’re a friend who’s hung around me within a day or two of this event you may also want to stop reading as you have probably heard most of it all before also.

Okay, if you’re still reading I’ve got a few suggestions for this daylight savings time thing.

First off, why don’t they do this during a weekday, maybe around two in the afternoon. You wouldn’t want to do it at noon because that would totally ruin your lunch. Imagine it, you’re at the office, bored as hell. It’s one fifty-nine as you watch the second hand slip by – that ‘s what I do most of the day at work. Tick…tick…tick…tick… It makes the day even longer, but I can’t help myself. Anyway, the second hand finally jumps to twelve and you get this warm feeling inside because it’s not two in the afternoon today, but three and a mere hour or so from leaving the dungeon you call a job. If that were how it worked you would never hear me gripe about it at all.

Well, unless they added an hour to my day six months later. Then I would howl, but if my plan worked out correctly you would gain that hour on a weekend.

Here is the simple system: Spring forward on workdays and fall back on weekends.

Doesn’t that sound fantastic!

Another suggestion I have is to just move the damned clocks back thirty minutes one year and quit screwing with it! As a matter of fact we could just drop the whole thing right now and never mess with it again. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings a bit.

I would write to my political representative about this, but that would be the equivalent of sending a letter to Santa Clause. In fact, they would probably make the gain an hour weekend into another loose an hour weekend then tax us for it because that’s just the way they do things in politics.


~ by bretjordan on March 12, 2011.

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