Monsters – Not necessarily what you think.

Cool movie poster, huh?

The story behind the movie is at least this cool:

After a NASA deep-space probe crash lands in Mexico, alien life forms spread throughout the U.S.–Mexico border region, leading to the quarantine of the northern half of Mexico. The U.S. and Mexican militaries battle to contain the creatures, while a wall stretching along the American border ostensibly keeps the United States protected.


Sounds awesome doesn’t it?

I’ve had my eye on this movie for a few weeks now, but didn’t want to drop the $15.00 to buy it. Well, last night I said what the heck. I’m working tons of overtime right now and I can afford it, so I went to iTunes, payed my money and two hours later sat down to watch me a movie.

The opening scene was just as I expected and all that I could have hoped for. Excitement, action, monsters, destruction and mayhem all filmed in cool night vision. I’m a sucker for cool night vision.

Unfortunately that was all I got.

From there we go to a photographer who is in Mexico shooting monster pictures. His big opportunity. Unfortunately his boss’s daughter is stuck there too and his boss insists that he get her out of there. So, from now until the end of the movie the goal is to get through the quarantine zone and back to America.

Great. No problem. Lots of opportunity for action here, right? Right?


They had the lame adventures that I would have had were I in the same scenario. Lot’s of monster opportunity, but very little monster.

Nope. This was about them traveling together and falling in love in the face of disaster, both with the trek across Mexico and in their personal lives.

Now, the acting was fantastic. Believable. The world that they created around these people was also well done and completely believable. I mean, I really felt like I was in Mexico with these folks in an alien quarantine zone. No complaints on quality or acting. None at all.

My complaint is the complete lack of action and monster activity.

The movie was an hour and a half long. The first five minutes had monsters. There is about five more minutes of monsters in the middle and maybe a ten minute slug as a finally. Other than that it’s like watching a well acted daytime soap.

I kept watching…looking at the progress bar because the potential for monsters always existed. Always! I kept thinking to myself that the action was just around the corner, in the next scene if I would just have the patience to wait it out I knew that it would be awesome. At halfway through the movie they leave the boat and join a mercenary team on land. Great, this must be where the action is. No. No action, but the damsel in distress does see the humane and decent side of the guy that ain’t quite a hero.

The three-quarter mark hits. I have nearly given up hope, but the potential for action is still dangling before me like a carrot. The mercenary team is gone and they find some old Inca or Mayan ruins. The American border is only miles away. Surely this must be it.

Unfortunately not.

Finally my ten minutes of weird alien stuff, it may have even been sex, but they are alien and fifty feet tall so I couldn’t prove it, then the unlucky couple finally come together. They kiss for the first time as the aliens stalk off over the horizon. Then the oddest ending…the military drives up, pulls them apart and the screen jumps to the credits.


Didn’t see that coming, though I was glad it had finally ended. I was just disappointed because my best guess is that the writers couldn’t even figure out how to end this fiasco. My God! it was nearly as bad as the ending to Blazing Saddles or Monty Python and the Holy Grail! I mean, it was a classically poor ending. So bad that it almost made the whole show worth watching just to know that I got to see one of the poorest, in an epic sort of way, ending of a movie ever!

Anyway, if you want to see a monster movie that isn’t too much about monsters, but is heavy on relationships this is the movie for you. For the rest of us…well, I think I will look for something else.


~ by bretjordan on April 16, 2011.

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