Mrs. Kravitz Strikes Again…

Mrs. Kravitz

A while back I posted about my neighbor across the street. I call her Mrs. Kravitz because of her nosiness. She sits by her front window day in and day out watching the world go by. When my wife leaves the house she gets a call wanting to know where she’s going. When she comes home there’s a call wanting to know where she’s been. If a friend drops by she calls to find out who it is. Hell, my wife even has me water the flowers in the front yard so that the old lady doesn’t call wanting to know what she’s doing. She leaves me alone as I am not nearly as kind-hearted as my wife. Anyway, it’s like living across the street from a local branch of the CIA.

I see her as one of those people who film documentaries for Animal Planet. I imagine she has a huge video camera pressed against the window and a voice recorder nearby that she whispers into as she comments on the behavior of her neighbors. I imagine her whispering the following commentary in Australian accent.  “Okay, the male of the pack has just come around the corner of the burrow. He grasps a water hose in his hand. He’s marching toward the flowered area. Wait…he’s aiming the hose at the flowers. This is truly extraordiary behavior as it is usually the females that tend to the flowers. Hold on…the female just poked her head around the corner of the burrow. Blimy! She’s looking this way. Now she’s jerked her head back and vanished from my view. I think she spotted me….”

In our back yard there’s a light on our telephone pole. The power company provides it for $6.00 a month. It lights up the whole back yard.

Last week my wife had the power company turn it off. She built a patio in the back yard and the light was just too bright.

Mrs. Kravitz called yesterday and wanted to know what happened to the light. Now, this completely amazes me. My house sits diagonally between her house and the light. It’s a two-story house so she can’t possibly see the lamp. She said she can no longer observe people walking up and down our driveway. Why in the hell is she observing people walking up and down my driveway! When my wife told her that she had the power company disconnect the light Mrs. Kravitz had the stones to tell my wife that she would gladly pay the $6.00 to have the light brought back online. Six dollars is really a small price to pay for the joy one gets when watching your neighbors every move!

I’m thinking of putting a “Home for Sale” add in the paper under Mrs. Kravitz address. Who knows, I might get lucky…

 The Haunted Brothel, available at Amazon

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~ by bretjordan on June 17, 2011.

2 Responses to “Mrs. Kravitz Strikes Again…”

  1. Good lord man, that is.. creepy.. and kind of sad.

  2. Yeah, it’s creepy, sad, and bothersome. Angela is just about fed up with it, and if she gets fed up with it there really is a problem. I wouldn’t mind her spying on us, I don’t do anything stranger than anyone else, but she needs to keep her spying to herself.

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