Classic Sci-Fi Movie: Not of This Earth

This movie freaked me out at the beginning. I was on a watching old science fiction movies I’d never seen before kick, and I’d just finished watching Galaxy of Terror earlier that day. You’re probably wondering how the two connect in such a way that I’d be left freaked out.  They really don’t connect, other than the opening credits. Scenes from Galaxy of Terror are blended in with other monstrous scenes of gore and violence from other movies. I mean, I actually had to pause the show and go back to the Netflix main screen to make sure I was watching the right movie. I was.

Let it be known that very few of the scenes from the opening credits of Not of This Earth are actually from the movie Not of This Earth. I guess the company that produced the movie also owned the other films so they had the right to use the scenes from the other movies as they saw fit. Sort of like me putting together five pieces of cover art for five different books and then on the sixth book just throwing them all together. Yeah, something like that.

Not to say that the movie wasn’t mostly original, other than being a remake of the 1957 version – with more T&A I assume.

I’ll insert the usual Warning Spoilers notification here.

Let me start with a synopsis of the movie.

An alien comes to Earth looking for a way to cure his race of a blood disease caused by nuclear war in his galaxy. He needs blood to survive, and samples to bring back to his home world, along with a human to vivisect. He’s telepathic and can kill with a single glance.

Within a few minutes of the start of the movie I knew I had a winner. It was one of those Oh my god, did he really just ask that moments.

The freaky alien dude with the stiff back, little understanding of English nuances, and sunglasses enters a clinic and asks for a transfusion. He looks healthy. He’s walking tall and dressed in a suit. The man doesn’t look anywhere close to needing a transfusion. By the way, who in their right minds walks into a local clinic and asks the front desk nurse for a transfusion? Well, it’s 1988 and medical practices might have been more relaxed back then. Still…

Okay, nurse Traci Lords doesn’t balk at his question. It’s like people come in all the time wanting a pint or two of blood. She just wants to know what flavor he’s looking for and can’t let him have any until he allows her to examine the blood he’s already got. At this point we’ve got a you show me yours and I’ll show you mine situation. Well, being an alien and all, the guy refuses.

The peculiar alien’s got to have his blood, so he agrees to let them look at his blood, if they can get any, but first the guy mind-screws the clinic’s doctor into keeping quiet about the test. Once the tests are over and the alien guy’s got his transfusion he offers Traci a $2,000 a day job of giving him private health care at his house. $2,000 a day! Man, that’s a gig I would give my own blood for.

Okay, cut to the scene of her first night in the weird alien’s house. It doesn’t take long before the viewer gets to see Traci drying herself off with a towel after taking a shower. The viewer gets to see a lot of Traci while she dries herself off. She’s got a nice figure, but that’s only right since her day job was porn. No problem with that, and to be fare to Mrs. Lords, her character represents just one of the numerous gratuitous nude shots in this movie from various buxom women. The gratuitous nudity runs rampant in this film and  is one of the few redeeming factors of this movie, at least from a guy’s point of view.

At one point in the movie I actually laughed out loud and had to pause it to run and tell my wife about what I’d just seen. It wasn’t meant to be funny, but that’s how I roll.

The alien guy’s butler offered to make him dinner. The sun shades wearing alien give the man a serious look and says, “That will not be necessary. I will be dinning…” Que creepy music, then the alien gazes into the camera with the most serious look on his face and says, “out.” Over the top foreboding is really an understatement here.

At the end of the movie, when they’re wrapping it all up at a tomb stone dedicated to the guy who’s ‘Not of This Earth’ I got to see the classic microphone shot. Yeah, the microphone shot. You know, when the microphone peaks it’s porous head into the top of a scene. Sort of reminds the viewer that this is only a movie.

So, if you want to see a show about an alien vampire with glowing eyes, buxom prostitutes who can’t act at all, a birthday stripper who has less acting skill than the prostitute, and a cute little nurse who likes to show off her body then this is the movie for you. On the up side, there’s lots of nudity, and….well, there’s lots of nudity. To be fair, Traci Lords probably had the best acting skills of anyone in the movie. Needless to say, the bar wasn’t set very high.

Airlocked Airlocked by Bret Jordan

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~ by bretjordan on July 16, 2012.

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