Old Man

My biological clock is ticking and it sounds suspiciously like a heartbeat.

In a couple of weeks I will be 45. Friggin’ 45. When I was twenty the ripe old age of forty-five was for old timers, folks who weren’t wheezing their oxygen from a bottle yet, but too old and fuddy-duddy to be any fun. Well, now I’m the old fuddy-duddy, but I just don’t feel it – well, not a lot anyway.

The biggest thing I notice is that I can’t eat any damned thing I want to anymore, though I try. A year ago I went to a convenience store with a burger place in it. The burgers were reported to be excellent. Being a brave soul I ordered a burger with pepper jack cheese and a jalapeno bun, onion rings on the side. It wasn’t one of those fancy restaurant burgers, but good lord that was one of the best burgers I’d ever eaten. The jalapeno and pepper jack gave it a slight twang that I knew I would regret. The bun was slightly buttered and toasted darn near to perfection. Needless to say I gobbled the burger down between bites of onion rings.

What a fool I was…

By the time I went to bed there was a burning sensation in my belly that rode all the way up to the back of my throat. It felt like I had swallowed a hot coal. I wanted to throw the burger up, yet I didn’t as I hate vomiting. My system didn’t settle itself out until the wee hours of the morning – which always makes for a fun day at work.

At twenty I could have eaten two burgers, ran laps around the track, and not gained a gram of weight.

The eyesight is the other thing I notice, but unlike the ingestion, it’s a constant problem. Now, I’ve worn glasses for about fifteen years, but I didn’t actually have to wear glasses until I hit the big four-O. It was an annoyance at first, but now when I go into a restaurant I either bring my glasses, or make my best guess as to what’s on the menu. With no glasses there’s a lot of pointing going on, and wishing that they used more pictures.

So, forty-five. Not yet sucking oxygen from a bottle, or food through a straw. No need for Depends yet, or a walker with the tennis balls on the bottom. It’s not nearly as bad as I once imagined it would be. I don’t run as fast or jump as far, but inside I’m still that twenty year old buck with a whole lot of things I ain’t done yet that I still want to do. Heck, maybe one day I’ll even have the time to do some of that stuff…

Clockwork Dwarf Clockwork Dwarf – Available at Amazon for the Kindle


~ by bretjordan on August 22, 2012.

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