A Tank of a Battery

Today my wife’s battery died on her GMC Envoy.

She went outside to start it up and “click, click, Rwwwww, click, click” was all it would do.

Okay, that happens from time to time. The vehicle just broke the 100,000 mile mark, and the battery’s four years old. After that many miles things tend to start giving up, and four years on a battery isn’t all that bad.

I opened the hood thinking to myself, this is gonna be a snap. It’s just a battery, no problem.

Yeah, famous last words.

Okay, here’s the list of junk that stands in the way of removing the battery:

  • A bar runs over the top of the battery from corner to corner. It includes a vertical bar in front of the battery for EXTRA support.
  • The battery is encased in a plastic box. There’s even a Darth Vader breathing hose for the damned thing – I think it’s a breathing hose anyway.
  • Finally, a tab at the base holds the battery snugly into the battery tray.

I looked at all that and thought, Seriously?

It’s just a friggin’ battery, but it’s held in place like the black box on a commercial airline plane.

I started out with my trusty crescent wrench, but as the bolts got deeper into the engine, and harder to get to I had to add my socket set to the list of tools needed to remove the battery.

Well, it’s done, and a brand spankin’ new battery sits snugly in the battery tray now.

All in all, it wasn’t that bad of a job, once I realized that it was gonna be a job. It just completely shocked me that they went to such extremes to hold the battery in place. I mean, if I had to sit in the safest part of my wife’s Envoy it would probably be right behind that battery, because if something ever happens that’s the thing that’s gonna still be in one piece.

Plague, is now available as a paperback novel. Yep, paperback. Also with the paperback version you get some fantastic pen and ink artwork by Alex McVey, Tom Moran, Brandon Layng, and myself. So if you get a chance stop by Amazon and have a look.


~ by bretjordan on September 20, 2012.

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